If you’re overweight, the commercial diet industry would have you believe that there are only two choices. Either continue to eat only for today’s pleasure (“carpe oreos”) and pay for that the future, or follow one of their strict diet plans which will lead to the fulfillment of all your dreams.

This is a false dichotomy.

In reality, not only are neither of these options realistic, but there is a third, unmentioned path to eating healthy and losing weight. However, since it only benefits the overweight, and not to the diet companies seeking to profit from them, you won’t see it advertised on television.

So I thought I’d write about it, since it’s been essential in helping me lose 175 lbs and counting over the past three years.

Eating Without Consequence?

If you’re overweight, the public perception is that you eat without consequence. The fat person in society just eats whatever he/she wants at all time, blissfully unaware of what this excess is doing to their bodies. “A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips” is the adage that supposedly we, the overweight, simply fail to grasp.

Yeah, not quite. I’ve never met a single overweight person who wasn’t quite aware of the poor choices they were making with food. In addition, the guilt that comes from overeating far surpasses any momentary pleasure one might get from eating these foods. So in point of fact, the overweight person actually has a quite broken relationship with food.  Whether they are using food to cope with other issues in their lives, or simply using food to mask the issues they have with food itself, the overweight person knows full-well they have a problem, but just struggles with coping mechanisms.

So if you’re have a weight issue, most likely food doesn’t give you pleasure right now. It leads to feelings of guilt, shame and denial. Popular culture with regard to body image does nothing to help this situation.

That’s why we turn so desperately to “dieting” for solutions.

Work Smarter, Not Harder

The commercial diet industry likes to pounce on people with these issues and offer their “solutions.”. They ask that you buy into their program, show some will power and promise amazing results! Mostly, if you notice, they tout amazing SHORT TERM results, but results nonetheless.

My use of “buy in” is quite intentional.

The diet companies profit from the quantity of people in the program, not the quality of your results  Once you buy the book, subscribe to the food service, buy that initial case of meal replacement bars or shakes, etc… you’ve been profitable for them. That’s why short term results are all they care to promise.

If you lose your 30 lbs and gain it back? They’re fine with it. They’ll start up with the next person, while you swap into the diet program she came from, and she takes your spot in this one.  It’s just a numbers game.

The worst part is that those who “fail” at these diets are made to feel that it was some personal failure that led to the bad result. That they weren’t enough to make it work.

Why all this failure? Because at their hearts, commercial diets are based on deprivation. They’re punishments, but with nicer language. But routinely a diet asks you to follow a set of generic rules for as long as you possibly can. You’ll lose weight in the beginning (as you will with nearly ANY weight loss program), but then it’ll get harder and harder as it tests your inner resolve… until you stop seeing results and are left executing a restricting plan while seeing no progress.

And because you’ve been doing nothing more than eating pre-made food, following a generic meal plan, or obeying a set of eat/don’t eat foods that have nothing specific to do with you… you will not be equipped to deal with the hardships that come when you hit those first few walls with any weight loss journey.

What happens? Either you somehow soldier on, perhaps maintaining your early weight loss for a longer period while finding it harder and harder to keep with the program (especially with no more forward progress), or you start to slowly slip back.

Either way, eventually whatever weight you lost under the restrictions comes roaring back in a typical “yo-yo” fashion. The worst part is that you’ll be made to feel as if you “failed” in your weight loss attempt. These failures take a lot of of you too.

I experienced that myself a few times. A failed yo-yo diet attempt takes a lot out of you. You really have to gear up to try gain.  It takes hard work… but it can, pay off.

No pain, no gain, right?

The Not-So Secret “Third Option”

So that’s the false choice that diet programs would have you believe you’re stuck with. Eat what you want and pay later, or deal with all their restrictions now… but later, wow you’ll love the transformation! (just don’t pay attention to how fleeting it is).

It’s all well and good to understand this, but you should be asking – so what? This is interesting (I hope) but what do I DO with this information?

It took me a number of “failures” to understand the third option.

It’s simply this: you need to repair your relationship with food, so that you can “Eat Happy” every day. Eat foods you enjoy that bring you pleasure, that are also are generally good for you. By eating foods that are good for you, you’ll improve your overall health and lose weight. Most importantly, these foods, and this plan, will be uniquely tailored to you.

Now, will you necessarily lose weight at the same pace as you might have at the start of some diet program? No, I’m afraid not.  It’s taken me three years to go from 400 lbs to 225 lbs. I’ve seen people on some commercial diets lose that weight in nearly half that amount of time.

However, I very much enjoy what I eat. I look forward to the menu we plan each week, the new recipes we try and create, the new foods I try… in general I look forward to guilt-free eating for the first time in my life. And those “quick losers”… I question where their weight will be a year from now, as well as how much they enjoy the food they eat and their relationship with it.

You’ll note that I mentioned eating food that is “generally good” for you.  Here’s another thing the diet industry doesn’t really like people to understand. I don’t believe that most food is intrinsically “good” or “bad.”  Just as I don’t think a rock you’d pick up on the side of the road is necessarily “good” or “evil.” – it largely depends on how you use it.

A slice of chocolate cake, for example. There are probably millions of people tonight eating a slice of chocolate cake. A percentage of those people are healthy and in fine physical condition. So for them, is chocolate cake a “bad” food? Probably not. If you abuse the cake, by having several pieces of it, on top of many other high sugar sweets in the same day? Or if you have issues with your blood sugar? Well, then for you, yes, it’s safe to say that the cake was “bad” for you that day.

My point is this, as you repair your relationship with food, the concept of “everything in moderation” is one to keep in mind. The way your body reacts to a particular food is not the same way that my body reacts to that food. That’s why this is an individual process and not one-size fits all.

In previous essays I’ve discussed the importance of tracking your food, how to make small changes to your diet, menu planning, and other tips. They are the among tools you’ll use to build your own program. I hope you find them useful.

The point is just that you don’t have to worry about failing at another diet, if instead you look into your relationship with food, and realize that learning to enjoy what you eat and make smart choices is the best path towards long term healthy weight loss.